I'm going to the opera!! I've never been before and now I have a ticket for my birthday in November. I'm far from a cultural abyss, but so far opera and I have never climbed into bed together and nuzzled. We've passed in the street and perhaps exchanged glances, yet always knowing we could never be together.

It's Madam Butterfly since you ask and the gist is, "the love story of a Japanese orphan, Butterfly, who marries a care free American". Presumably, other stuff happens too, but I look forward to being surprised. Apparently, half the score is "advert music", so I should recognize at least some of it while puffing away on my nice cigar or wondering at the whiteness of my whites.

The gigs I normally go to are along the lines of the Divine Comedy or Ben Folds. I like standing at concerts, but not being the tallest, often find myself tucked away behind Lofty and his mate Loftier. There should be a five minute period before every concert when people arrange themselves in height order, so that the vertically challenged can see for once. Failing that, force the tall ignorant gig-goer to stand behind an even taller freak and see how they like it. For double punishment, make them carry out this penance at a David Gray concert. No, hang on, that's just too cruel...