Richmond Park is an illegitimate child

Richmond Park is considered beautiful, a natural nature reserve, a piece of the countryside in the midst of our ever-sprawling metropolis, where the Deer run free, mingling with man in beautiful harmony, and the walkers take in the crisp, fresh air as their children cycle lovingly alongside.

IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!! IF IT WERE A VASE, IT WOULD BE OF THE MING VARIETY!! IT'S SODDING HILLY AND I RAN ROUND THE ****ING PIECE OF **** TWICE ON ****ING SUNDAY!! WHY THE **** DID I ****ING DO THAT?!?! I MUST BE ****ING STUPID!!!

Right, calm...

It was my scheduled 14 mile run and if I ever thought I was nowhere near ready for the marathon, I now know for certain. I ran through 11/12 miles okay, but one of the hills on the second lap took it out of me completely. In the end my running partner was walking and I was "running" alongside. It wasn't really helped by the fact it was raining the whole way round and the Park resembled a swimming pool, one which had been over-filled at that. To compound matters, as we approached the car and therefore the end of the run, the little cafe ("all day"?! - don't make me laugh) from which we would buy carrot cake and sugary tea, shut. I would have cried had I not been face down in the mud at the time.

So, to conclude: I need to get "miles in my legs", I need to book more massages, and I need never, ever, ever to enter a marathon again. In truth, there's no real danger of that.